The hospital

Filed under: delivery/labor,doctor,funny,thoughts — by Lex on September 17th, 2006 @ 6:32 pm

We like CentraState, the hospital where our baby girl will be born.

You stay in one room throughout labor, delivery, and recovery. It’s a great room, with a fold-out bed for me, a TV with remote for Lauren to control, nice lighting, a mirror for Lauren’s viewing pleasure, our own bathroom… Good stuff.

You move to a postpartum room, which is also all yours, and has a similar setup, with fewer medical supplies. All designed to feel kinda cozy, like home. Only hospitalier.

But my favorite part about the hospital is the security system. Mother, father, and baby are all tagged with bracelets containing microchips. Both parents must show their bracelets match to leave with the baby at the end of the hospital stay.

And if someone tries to take the baby out of the maternity ward, alarm bells ring. Elevators freeze. Doors lock. The National Guard swoops in. Not even Elvis could leave the building.

I certainly wouldn’t ever consider swiping my own baby just to see the system in action. Never. But I would, without too much guilt, imagine what that would be like.

(In my mind, doctors swoop in from the ceilings on zip lines. And they’re wearing those old school headbands with mirrors on them. Good stuff.)

One Response to “The hospital”

  1. Papa Ducky Says:

    If it were my hospital and somebody tried to steal my kids’ baby girl, I’d attack ’em with my battery-powered orthopaedic saw and my sharpest arthroscopy knife. Then I’d finish ’em off with my reflex hammer. But it looks like CentraState has a pretty darn good system.