Trying to set a good example for my kids
DISCLAIMER: Â This is my blog, and therefore my place to vent/share. Â To anyone reading this who knows more about what I’m talking about than described here, please understand that I’m not trying to be hurtful or upset anyone. Â I just need a way to deal with my own hurt feelings, and rather than put another person in an uncomfortable situation by bringing it up, I’m doing it here, without any need for a response. Â It’s cathartic to let it all out. Â Don’t read on if that’s not something you can deal with.
There’s some stuff going on right now with a person I thought was a friend and several people I know are still friends – Â no need to get into the details. Â It has resulted in some people being left out and hurt feelings, including my own.
Opportunities have arisen for me to make comments that would be a passive-aggressive way of being petty – things that I could say offhand, that would be seemingly innocent, but that would be for the sole purpose of trying to pass some of the discomfort I feel about the situation onto someone else. Â One of these opportunities came up this morning (Ahhh, Facebook), and I almost wrote something, but then I thought about it.
What was I going to get out of making such a comment? Â Does making someone else uncomfortable (or hoping that they’ll pass my comment along to to the real person who has hurt me) do anything to improve the situation? Â Would that momentary lapse in honest civility actually make me feel better in the long run? Â No. Â No, it does and would not.
Anya and Sierra have no idea that any of this is going on – why should they? – but I thought of them just the same. Â I try very hard to set a good example for them. Â I hope when they get to that tween age they can avoid that catty girl exclusion dynamic (you know what I mean if you’re a girl and you’ve ever attended a public middle school, ugh) with their friends. Â I very much believe in the “treat others the way you want to be treated” rule. Â I thought about what I would hope they would do in a similar situation, and it wouldn’t be to pass some of their hurt on, at least not that way.
So I said nothing.
Again, the girls know nothing about this and they aren’t going to learn anything from my actions this time around, but I’m the adult, and I should act like one, even when they aren’t watching. Â I already did my time in middle school. Â This is what growing up is. Â Surprisingly, it feels GOOD to acknowledge that, and to know that I made the better choice.
Ack! Â Here I am being all responsible, and, I admit it, I’m thirty years old. Â I guess I really am a grown up now, no matter how much I’d like to claim eternal childhood. Â 🙂