DISCLAIMER:  This is my blog, and therefore my place to vent/share.  To anyone reading this who knows more about what I’m talking about than described here, please understand that I’m not trying to be hurtful or upset anyone.  I just need a way to deal with my own hurt feelings, and rather than put another person in an uncomfortable situation by bringing it up, I’m doing it here, without any need for a response.  It’s cathartic to let it all out.  Don’t read on if that’s not something you can deal with.

There’s some stuff going on right now with a person I thought was a friend and several people I know are still friends –  no need to get into the details.  It has resulted in some people being left out and hurt feelings, including my own.

Opportunities have arisen for me to make comments that would be a passive-aggressive way of being petty – things that I could say offhand, that would be seemingly innocent, but that would be for the sole purpose of trying to pass some of the discomfort I feel about the situation onto someone else.  One of these opportunities came up this morning (Ahhh, Facebook), and I almost wrote something, but then I thought about it.

What was I going to get out of making such a comment?  Does making someone else uncomfortable (or hoping that they’ll pass my comment along to to the real person who has hurt me) do anything to improve the situation?  Would that momentary lapse in honest civility actually make me feel better in the long run?  No.  No, it does and would not.

Anya and Sierra have no idea that any of this is going on – why should they? – but I thought of them just the same.  I try very hard to set a good example for them.  I hope when they get to that tween age they can avoid that catty girl exclusion dynamic (you know what I mean if you’re a girl and you’ve ever attended a public middle school, ugh) with their friends.  I very much believe in the “treat others the way you want to be treated” rule.  I thought about what I would hope they would do in a similar situation, and it wouldn’t be to pass some of their hurt on, at least not that way.

So I said nothing.

Again, the girls know nothing about this and they aren’t going to learn anything from my actions this time around, but I’m the adult, and I should act like one, even when they aren’t watching.  I already did my time in middle school.  This is what growing up is.  Surprisingly, it feels GOOD to acknowledge that, and to know that I made the better choice.

Ack!  Here I am being all responsible, and, I admit it, I’m thirty years old.  I guess I really am a grown up now, no matter how much I’d like to claim eternal childhood.  :)

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Today is the third anniversary of our very first Baby Blog post (and the day we found out we were pregnant with Anya).  Two daughters, one new house on the other side of the country, several different jobs… Our life has changed so much since that day -  and definitely for the better!

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It’s nice to be at an age where kisses really DO make a boo boo all better.  Why do we have to lose that innocence as we grow older?

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When Sierra was 1 week old I posted about how she only slept at night if held, and the following night she started sleeping 4 hour stretches in the Co-Sleeper. Yesterday I wrote about how she is pretty easygoing, and then she had an extremely cranky evening and a difficult night, most of which was spent in my lap. I also said I thought we’d start her in size 1 diapers when we ran out of newborns, and today Lex had to go get another package of the little ones. What gives? Is it just that the opposite of what I write has to come true? In that case, I’m not at my pre-pregnancy weight yet, gas prices are on the rise, and I don’t have ten million dollars.

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My due date is in one week and one day – Monday, December 8th. Anya was also due on a Monday and was born the Thursday before. Wouldn’t it be coincidental if I had the baby next Thursday? I’ve been thinking a lot about my due date as it approaches. With Anya, I was originally due on October 21st, but my doctor adjusted the due date to the 23rd based on my scan at 6 weeks. With this baby, I was originally due on December 12th, but the first trimester scans kept showing the estimated due date to be earlier and earlier. Since the scan I had at 12 weeks suggested the due date to be closer to the 5th, the doctor adjusted my due date to the 8th. I know every pregnancy is different and that due dates are estimates, but I can’t help but think that since Anya was born only two days before her original due date and that this time my due date was moved up, I’m more likely to go a little late. Bummer. I’ve been extremely uncomfortable today; I can’t imagine another half pound of baby growing in there over the next week – or more!

I’ve also been thinking about inductions. In my December 2008 online birth club, the majority of the babies are going to have scheduled births (c-sections or inductions) for a variety of reasons. In a way, I’m jealous of those moms – they know exactly when their babies are going to be born and they don’t have to cope with the anxiety of waiting. However, the second baby in our group was born (unscheduled) yesterday, and when his mom shared the birth story, I remembered how magical the moment was when my water broke with Anya and I realized she was on her way. I also know it’s probably best in my situation to let the baby decide when she should arrive. It’s hard to wait, to wake up every day and wonder if this is going to be the day, to go to sleep disappointed that it wasn’t…but I will try my best be patient. Baby Girl, I know you’ll come when you are ready, but make it soon if you can, okay?

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Well, it’s October, which means Anya’s second birthday is fast approaching.  There’s very little baby left in her now.  She’s about 95% daytime potty trained (a subject for a different post) and her first two-year molar finally cut yesterday (rather bloodily, gross!).  The exciting news is that she is officially fully moved into her big girl room.  She’s been sleeping in there for naps and through the night since last week and she’ll tell you the nursery and crib are for Baby Sister.  It’s still a bit of a challenge to get her to fall asleep for her nap, but I’m finding some strategies that are working for the time being.  All of her things have been transferred to the new room, and it looks all put together now.  Check it out:

Izzy’s grandma made this sign for Anya when she was born:

I put together the name artwork over the dresser, which came from Lex’s and my original bedroom set.  You can also see her new Dora nightlight:

The pretty flower area rug:

Her big pink bear and rocking chair moved to her new room, of course.  The rest of her stuffed animal collection from her old room is in the storage basket:

Many of the things in her new room have been there for a long time or were gifts from when she was born/her first birthday, but these toy bins are one recent purchase we made, since she doesn’t have a bookcase or shelves.  They’re pretty empty now, but we’ll bring some toys up from the playroom soon:

Her activity table and book bins:

And, of course, she has her big girl bed!  She took her blankies, her “friends” (Ernie, Elmo, a bunny, a bear, and a monkey), and her Baby Einstein turtle aquarium with her from the nursery.  The comforter and sheets were mine from college.  The bubbles over the bed are those removable wall stickers:

The nursery looks so barren now   I’m sure it will look a little better once we raise the crib mattress back up again and put on the crib skirt and mobile, but it seems sad and empty to me right now.  Maybe that has something to do with the bittersweetness of Anya growing up…

I can’t feel too sad, though, because every kick in the stomach reminds me of how sooner rather than later there’s going to be another beautiful girl to fill both that room and our lives!!!  Less than 10 weeks until Baby Girl is due and my first baby becomes a big sister!

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